Shocking!

334 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing - dating

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HA!

This made me laugh so hard I cried. Enjoy.



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Everything I Need to Know

I learned from The Princess Bride.

10. Never get involved in a land war in Asia. -Vizzini

9. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles. -Miracle Max

8. Never let on to the strange men how vulnerable you are.
Vizzini: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?
Buttercup: There is no one nearby. Not for miles.
Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream.

7. True love is the greatest thing in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. -Miracle Max

6. Practice your cool one-liner as much as possible so that when you get a chance to use it, it comes out flawlessly.
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. -Inigo

5. When coming up with an impossible plan, always list all of your assets, even if you don't think they'll be any help.
Westley: And our assets?
Inigo: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.
Westley: That's it? Impossible. If I had a month to plan, maybe I could come up with something, but this...
Fezzik: You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?
Westley: My brains, his steel, and your strength, against sixty men, and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmmmm? I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something.
Inigo: Where did we put that wheelbarrow the Albino had?
Fezzik: Over the Albino, I think.
Westley: Why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place? What I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak.
Inigo: There we cannot help you.
Fezzik: Would this do?
Inigo: Where did you get that?
Fezzik: At Miracle Max's. It fit so nice, he said I could keep it.
Westley: All right, all right. Come on, help me up.

4. You can get through anything - including a fire swamp - with a little bit of situational awareness.
Westley: We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.

3. Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something. -Westley

2. Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line. -Vizzini

1. Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for awhile. -Westley

More later.

College Stuff

I've been poking around the websites of the universities I've applied to for my doctoral work to make sure I didn't need to do anything extra to apply for a Teaching Fellowship (I don't). However, I did find out that College B, the one I wasn't too excited about going to (they seem snobby) has an AMAZING Fellowship program for doctoral students: tuition waiver, $20,000 stipend, health insurance, etc., all for teaching one class per semester. I'm a little more excited about the possibility of going there now; at least it won't be all bad. College A still seems better curiculum- and attitude-wise, though. I guess we'll see. I'm waiting on my GRE scores and a few letters of recommendation before my applications are complete.

Fingers crossed.

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Oh, What a Day

Last night I finished the huge cross-stitch I've been working on for the last year. So today I took it to the crafts store to match fabric to make it into a pillow. I promise to post pictures when it's done. After that, W.E. and I went to Lowes to get some plywood for various projects we're working on. When we got back, we noticed something missing from W.E.'s truck: the back license plate.

Grr.

We called the police to file a report, just in case, and in the process discovered that the idiots also stole the decals from the front plates. So W.E.'s truck is severely illegal right now. Tomorrow we get to make a trip to the DMV (always a good time); the very nice officer who came by said they might sell us a new set of decals and/or new plates for much cheaper than they usually come because they were stolen. Here's hoping.

I got a rejection letter from Midnight Times a couple of days ago for my sci-fi story "Into the Black."

I really wish I knew what I was doing wrong. The critters workshop people can give me advice on fixing individual pieces, but there's obviously some overarching problem with my writing that I don't know about since I can't seem to sell a single story no matter how hard I try. The rejection letters are all very encouraging, but that doesn't get me published.

Sigh.

More later.

Only What You Need to Survive

Tips for surviving a Zombie Apocalypse, complied by watching every. Zombie. Movie. Ever. Because the Zombie Apocalypse will begin when you are in the most inconvenient place possible, here are some things to keep in mind when you're getting ready to leave your nice, secure house in the morning.

In no particular order (but all very important):

1. Carry a gun. Bashing zombies over the head with ball bats and tire irons puts you too close to their bitey mouths, and if they're fast zombies (Dawn of the Dead '04, 28 Days/Weeks Later), they'll close on you too fast for you to use bludgeoning instruments, anyway.

Caveat: get a rifle if possible, because pistols are too close-range and harder to aim, and shotguns don't actually cause heads to explode.

Caveat #2: practice with your chosen firearm, because, despite what is shown in the movies, you will not be able to pick one up and start making headshots with no practice.

2. Wear sensible shoes. You never know when you'll have to run away from the hordes of the undead, especially if you've run out of ammo or ignored #1 entirely.

3. Kill the asshole first. S/he will betray you at the most inconvenient moment possible, just for spite. Not to mention that s/he's a drain on morale with his/her constant bitching about the group, the weather, the food. . . . In fact, feed him/her to the zombies to expedite your own getaway.

4. When boarding up your hidey-hole, use screws, not nails. Nails can be shoved out of the wood by enough determined zombies pounding on them. Screws cannot.

5. Carry a flashlight. This one should need no explanation.

6. Learn to drive a stick shift. If Barbara (Night of the Living Dead) had known how to pop a clutch, she might have survived that film.

7. Kill people with bites as soon as you can, and don't let them into your hidey-hole. They will turn at the most inconvenient moment possible.

Caveat: if it's you that's bitten, have the cajones to shoot yourself and save someone else the trauma.

8. If you're going to hide somewhere, stay low and quiet. Zombies are attracted to light, movement, and noise.

9. Communicate. If the people in the mall (Dawn of the Dead '04) had told Andy about the bites, he might have been a little more careful when letting the dog into the building.

10. Don't take zombie prisoners. They will break out, and they will come looking for you personally.

Other emergency measures (storing food, water, candles, etc.) also apply.

More later.

Great Expectations

Usually I avoid getting too personal here, but I'm kind of upset at the moment and feel that I could use some other people's advice, if you would like to give it.

I wonder if I expect too much out of my friends. I feel that true friends go out of their way to do things with you and invite you to do things with them. They listen to you bitch rather than just doing all the bitching. There is a deep and true emotional connection between friends, one that can't be broken without extreme trauma.

Unfortunately, I have met very few people with whom I feel this deep, abiding connection. And, in the case of one of them, the connection obviously wasn't mutual.

For those of you, Gentle Readers, who don't already know the story of the ex-friend I call Birdman (to protect his true identity), let me share. A few years ago (okay, more than a few; it was 9 years ago), I attended college in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. For a whole semester--due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to drop out of college after that semester. During that semester, however, I made some wonderful friends, the first true friends of my life. I still miss them.

About three years ago, I had a fight with one of those friends, Birdman, due to some misunderstanding and badly-thought-out remarks; he broke some news in a not-too-gentle way, I freaked, he freaked in return, and he has not spoken to me since, and I've pretty much quit trying to reconnect with him.

A few days ago, I was digging around on Facebook and happened to come across Birdman, along with a couple of other long-lost friends. So of course I sent a friend request. Today I saw that my friend request has been rejected without comment.

I'm not as devastated as I would have been, say two years ago. But it still bothers me. I have apologized as many times as I plan to (about 50), and Birdman is still giving me the silent treatment. So was he ever truly my friend at all? I thought he was. He seemed to be. But can a true friendship be destroyed so easily? Especially if the one who said the stupid things (me) has apologized for these stupid things? Or is he just being incredibly immature? I didn't ask him to drive across the country to see me or even ask him out for a cup of coffee; I asked him to be a Facebook friend. Which really doesn't mean anything at all.

It's also frustrating because every time I think I've finally gotten over the whole thing and moved on, something like this happens. Granted, I'm not sunk into a pit of despair like I was immediately after the fight (and for about 2 years after that), but it still hurts my feelings. Even thinking that he's a jerk--an immature, careless jerk--doesn't help. I said the dumb things that caused the friendship to break up (though he's not COMPLETELY innocent in this), so it's my fault, but as I've said, I sincerely apologized. He has not only not accepted my apology; he hasn't responded in any way shape or form. Ever. I guess some part of me would rather he told me to piss off, at least, rather than this deep abiding silence.

I suppose life is disappointment. Or, "Life is pain. . . . Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."

More later.

One. . .

ONE . . .

. . . more week until Thanksgiving Break.

. . . more agent on my query list before I have to give up and try to write yet another novel that might interest someone.

250

. . . more pages of The Last Man (Shelley) that I have to read before Thursday.

Gah.

More later.

Stuff to Laugh At

For more funny, go here.

One Down

The GRE Lit is officially over. I won't know what I got for another 6 weeks, but I'm just glad I don't have to worry about it anymore. I feel pretty good about it, though. There was a lot more Old and Middle English content than there had been on my practice tests, and that's where I'm the most confident. I remembered everything I'd studied, and the stuff I hadn't I just skipped, so I should be fine. I'm hoping for a 600+, but I guess we'll see.

Now if I only had time to study my German. . . .

Ah, well. Off to do Linguistics homework.

More later.

Head Expolosion

So I have to take my GRE Literature in English tomorrow. Which means I get to spend today cramming as much about poetic forms and other crap into my head as possible, since it's a little late to actually try to READ anything at this point. Then I get to take a practice test or two, then study some more. All so I can get up at 6:30 AM tomorrow, drive to the test site which is on a nearby college campus (not mine) that I don't know the layout of at all, sit there and try not to cry for 2 1/2 hours or until I'm done with the test, then come back home and go back to my regularly scheduled stressing-out over homework.

Phew.

I'm a little over halfway done with the annotated bibliography due on Thursday, but still have to read the assignments for Thursday and start on the huge-paper draft that's due the Monday after that.

I need a break. And more hair; all mine's falling out.

I'd settle for getting a story published.

More later.